Let’s be real, if you are a millennial and dating, then a situationship is the new normal. How many people do you now that are in relationships? You know, where a guy/gal has been introduced to the friends and family, with a formal title of introduction, and it’s clear the they are in a relationship. Not many, right? In fact, the line has been blurred between what’s a relationship and what isn’t because we have chosen to use pseudo-titles, such as “chilling”, “kicking it” and “that’s mine, but she/he ain’t mine” to communicate that two people are involved, but not committed to one another.
Typically, those involved in a situationship go out on dates or “kick it”, text often (if not everyday) and may even have a toothbrush at each other’s home. However, the dreaded question, “What are we”, is usually avoided, but the strings are still there no matter how translucent and unaddressed. This can become a complicated situation, pun intended, because the lack of clarity breeds misunderstanding. It prolongs psychological and interpersonal issues that ultimately need to be addressed underneath the surface of it all. So, how do you recognize a situationship? If you’re in one, how do you get out and address your own issues to avoid waiting on commitment that may never happen?
Am I In A Situationship?
There are five common happenings that will tell you if you are in a situationship.
- There is no title because s/he feels that you both have a “bond”.
- You have been “going with the flow” for over 6 months to a year, but the “what are we” question has not been asked nor addressed.
- They are too busy for courting due to other obligations, but have the time for sexual relations.
- A heavy percentage of communication is purely thought text.
- You are exclusively seeing one another, but not committed.
In other words, there is great chemistry and they think you are cool, so things get physical and emotions get involved, but no one addresses the elephant in the room. Let’s be clear, if two people have a mutual understanding of a friends-with-benefits situation, then that isn’t a situationship. However, how often does this mutual agreement take place in modern dating? More often than not, one party wants more from the situation than the other, but doesn’t want to end the tryst.
Why Am I Here?
We have this belief that ignoring our issues will just make them go away. Do you avoid dishes and hope they will magically wash themselves? No. You know that they are there, so you clean them, right? Let’s be clear, everyone won’t have an understanding of their compartmentalized issues because we don’t put mental health at the forefront in adolescent years. We place importance on academics, acceptance and appearance. Do you find it hard for you to tell people no? Do you avoid difficult conversations because you are afraid of conflict? Do you struggle with your self-esteem? Do you have abandonment issues? Dig deep, then take a moment to look in the mirror and really get to know yourself. When you have faced your inner demons, you truly become un-fuck-withable.
Don’t ever tell yourself that a piece of a person is better than no person at all.
Let’s be clear, no one can do to you what you won’t allow. When I started to see that situations were turning into a situationship, I spearheaded the issue through conversation. I made sure that it was addressed and that there was never any confusion about where that individual and I stood with one another.
A large part of heartache in modern dating is spawned from situationships. Expectations start to arise after things become physical and emotions are involved. Once you settle for what is being given, then you have already given commitment benefits without actual commitment. If you want commitment, then don’t ever tell yourself that a piece of a person is better than no person at all. You do not have to accept mediocrity. Ever. If you make what you want from the relations clear and they do not reciprocate through action, then why continue to settle for what is being given?
It is okay to take a break from dating to focus on self-love and self-care. You are completely in control of your own happiness. So, you have to love yourself enough to leave a situation that interrupts that happiness.
Check out episode 2: Chemistry versus Compatibility